“I just need a break.”
“Right now, I’m dating ME.”
“I can’t deal with all of the games and drama out there.”
“I’ve just had my heart broken too many times. I’m done!”
We’ve talked to A LOT of people and there are quite a few who say these things, as if love has come and gone…never to be found again.
We–Lauren and William–are here to say that love can always be found again. You simply have to be open, willing, positive, and patient.
In our book, How to Get Real About Dating: A Father and Daughter’s Guide to Finding Love at Any Age, there is a chapter called, “Out of the Cave”.
What can a CAVE be?
5) All of the above and then some!
It’s easy to live your life and say, “Hey, I’m not in a Cave. I work and have kids. I go out sometimes. I definitely have a life!” So, then the question becomes–How does one know whether or not they are in a Cave?
Well, you could take the survey in our book. Or, you could get real with yourself and look at how you spend your time. If you’re divorced, tired, and/or bitter it is easy to form a Cave. So, be extra careful. Here are a few scenarios for the divorced crowd. Compare these to your life.
1) You work 70 hours a week and it’s becoming increasingly stressful after your recent divorce. But, you still only sleep, at best, 6 hours a night and still manage to cook dinner for your two children. If you even have a few minutes to spare, it’s in front of the television watching a talk show.
2) It has been a year since your divorce was final yet you spend most of your weekends with your family, which is a three hour drive each way. And during the weekdays after work, you watch TV shows on your IPad or invite your neighbor over to play Uno.
3) You love to hang out with your friends, such as going to nice restaurants or a local pub. But, every time someone hits on you something happens deep down inside and you blow it by focusing on your friends.
These are three scenarios that are all too familiar to many peeps out there. At first glance, life seems okay because that’s what is normal. We create our normal. And, to see change on the dating scene you must create a new normal.
William: I was definitely upset, damaged, and hurt after my second divorce. Sure, I had two wonderful children from my second marriage that I was thankful for but I felt like a failure for the marriage not working out. What did I do after it was final and I was a single man? I hid. I was scared and felt like I had nothing to offer. But, I realized that by punishing myself I was only creating more pain.
There comes a point, after a divorce, that you have to put the hurt and guilt behind you to move on to a brighter future. Sure, things didn’t work out but tomorrow is a new day. If I had given up I would never have found the love of my life, Jennifer. Sure, it took three tries but we have been together for over twenty years now. Sometimes it takes a while to find your ultimate love match. That’s why I say keep dating and, most of all, keep hope alive.
It’s all about creating a realistic ACTION PLAN that suits your needs and comfort level. If you want to find love and have an active dating life, first start by creating a VISIBILITY MENU. This is a list of activities that you like that allow you to be around other people, such as hiking in a park. Or, attending a seminar about something that interests you. And once you have it, start by doing one of those things every other week.
Soon you’ll be meeting a ton of eligible dating candidates and saying to your friends, “It’s never too late to find love.”